People's feedback
On Being A Witness Of Child Abuse Katrina Laura Klein Masterson said:
Thank you so much for writing a badly needed, thought provoking article. Thank you! There is a huge need to bring this discussion out into the open so that we can give more people the opportunity to be caring witnesses. You are right on the mark in bringing to light how most people do not want to get involved when they have opportunities to do it. There's also another reason: Stressful situations often block our ability to think clearly. High stress situations trigger all the fight-flight reactions, which often paralyze many people. Your article let's people think - ahead of time - about what they might do! And like you, I try to assess the abuse situations (to the best of my ability under stress) to determine how I can be most effective. But there is always an emotional price, which I hadn't really thought about until now - it feels so lonely, which leaves me second guessing my interventions. I appreciate that you have articulated those emotions, here. With that, I feel less lonely. Thank you so much for your leadership, Darius. You are a powerful child advocate, and I'm happy to have made your acquaintance.
After publishing my second interview with him, Daniel Mackler on Facebook said:
it's always good to talk with you, darius. you're a deep thinker, have a lot of life experience and wisdom, and you come prepared to the interview. what more to ask for?
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Damon Smith said:
Thank you so much for your continued dedication to the exploration of self and history. Your blog posts are an important asset to me in my own journey of self knowledge, de-normalization and healing. Keep it going!
Jeff Hairston via Guestbook said:
Beautiful work, young man. You inspire me. At age 57, I am just beginning to engage in similar work. I look forward to getting to know and learn from you!
Jeff
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Darlene Ouimet said:
Excellent post Darius!! I love your comparisons! Hugs, Darlene
On Child Abuse and Its Results in Today's Society Daniel Mackler said:
this is a great article, Darius. very important and valuable. thanks for writing it. daniel
Michał Mańczak on Facebook said:
Thank you for doing the work that you are doing, I think it's just wonderful.
Angie Nehls on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
I am so grateful for sites like this. Sanity and clarity... leaps and bounds.
Jodie Jackson on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
my new 'favourite' page.... just. thankyou.
Alex Smith on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
I gotta say there needs to be more pages like this. I absolutely enjoy reading every quote and picture you put up. Keep up the awesome work.
Shannon Sinclair on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
Great page :)
On Being A Witness Of Child Abuse proudlysensitive said:
A very thoughtful article on what I agree is a difficult and complicated subject. There is so much abuse directed at children--even if just emotional abuse like threats, put-downs, disregarding behavior that I see in public, aside from actually seeing a child being hit. Sometimes I've regretted that it's just not practical to intervene--such as when I was on the other end of a crowded, moving bus, yet those memories make me sick. Nevertheless, it's very good to have a model to work through how I want to handle it in the future.
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Anonymous said:
This is the most beautiful post I have read about denying childhood trauma. Now I feel relieved that I'm not a crazy and ungrateful person. Thank you for your post and I hope you will continue to inspire other damaged people (like me) to properly heal and become better persons and better parents in the future. =)
On Common Reactions to The Topic of Childhood Trauma scrufduf said:
This is one of the best collations of resources on this topic and the way you have so gently described this is admirable. Great work and thanks for writing this!
On Child Abuse and Its Results in Today's Society Anonymous said:
This is an excellent article Darius! I can relate to most of these outcomes.
On Empathy And Laughing At Others’ Misery Sophia said:
I am very glad to find your website, Darius. I am already familiar with the work of Alice Miller, Darlene Ouimet, Daniel Mackler, NVC, and more.
After reading this post, I thought about how I was treated in my family whenever I expressed feelings as a child. It is something I am going to write about at length in the near future. Nobody saw the abuse and lack of empathy in my family because at first glance my parents seemed like such reasonable, mature, and intelligent people. But when a child is upset and a parent responds to that upset not with empathy but with a sort of "gentle" mockery, telling a child, "Oh, don't be so dramatic," I think this just as invalidating as when they are cruelly teased or even beaten for expressing their feelings.
And then when that same parent (my father) remarries and brings in a stepmother who is not nearly so gentle, but he always makes excuses for her behavior and tells me that she does it because she "cares" about me... and it takes me decades to realize that it was HE who betrayed me....
There is something needing to be explored in the not-so-apparent cruelty of the sentimental parent. This was my experience and it has taken me decades to come out of the fog on this.
Thanks.
On When We Get Hurt for Being Hurt – How We Learn Not to Feel proudlysensitive said:
I really love the empathic insights and commentary you make here. I've been in virtually all of those situations myself as a child. I was yelled at many times and then yelled at even more if I showed my discomfort and hurt for being yelled at. This maze of emotionally abusive manipulation that countless children are put through does produce broken adults everywhere. What that woman said to her infant boy in the s is so sick and insulting. Children don't cry "for no reason," their emotions need to be taken seriously, and shaming young boys for having feelings and needs is so destructive.
On Child Abuse in a Local Supermarket – Children Are Human Beings Helen said:
Darius, Thank you for this post. I couldn't agree more with what you are saying. So often parents are witnessed harassing, abusing or neglecting their children. I am guilty of walking by and saying nothing. Although I am acutely aware of the devastating results of abuse. I just think don't have children if you are not prepared to put in the hard work and make the sacrifices that parenting entails. Having children is not a right, it's a privilege. It's an honour to raise them. I wonder why we feel we can't intervene when we observe such disgraceful and appalling parental behaviour. I think as a society we do have skewed perceptions on child vs parent rights, as though a child is a possession of the parent and so it's not our place to defend the child. Some people should never have children!!
On The Classification and Results of Child Abuse Pat Torngren said:
Glad to have round it -- have shared it on a couple of my groups like, "Were you spanked as a child" and "I was spanked as a child" which are closed groups for people in recovery (though anyone can apply to join). Thanks for this very good article.
On What Motivates People To Change? Vanda said:
What a great article. It makes me think and remember what drives me, what keeps me every day of doing or avoiding something. And I can clearly see the type of my motivation. Thank you, Darius!
After I publicly thanked him for kindly offering to proofread this website, Daniel Mackler on Facebook said:
i was happy to help!! it's a good website!! i was proud to be a part of it
On The Cycle of Child Abuse and How to End It Anonymous said:
Dear Darius, Your article reminds me of a movie called Blindness. Indeed we live in a blind society. It refuses to SEE what´s going on inside itself and therefore becomes a perpetuator of its own misery. How to bring about more awareness for larger amounts of people remains a challenge, don´t you think?
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results didisreal said:
this is excellent, I've heard these phrases so many times when describing abuse
On When We Get Hurt for Being Hurt – How We Learn Not to Feel Anonymous said:
Thank you for posting this. Happiness and excitement can get a similar treatment. If a parent is tired/stressed the excitement of a child's happiness can be something that they, “Just can't deal with right now” so they lash out at the child in a way similar to what you're talking about here. And then the child learns that they're not allowed to be happy or excited.
On The Difficulties of Journaling – And Some Useful Tips MS Abigail said:
Interesting article. I have perhaps a dozen journals still left over from my childhood. My mother used to read them when I was withdrawn or getting into trouble. To this day, the presence of a ghost audience, a potential critic, a judging ex or significant other, and even my mother's ghost seem to hang on the peripheries of all I would write. Short selling my thoughts on those in my life as if to see their faults too clearly on the page might cut them open without ever having seen the words themselves.
Jackie via Guestbook said:
Hi Darius!!
I found your work through a link on emergingfrombroken's Facebook, and I really, really, really appreciate your articles and videos. I just finished watching all the videos on the Youtube, and I just wanted to let you know that I like the more personal discussions the best, and it is for the same reason I like Darlene's personal discussions the best. I think I just relate to it better, you know, not necessarily trying to label something or someone, but how to instead navigate it all, how to pull the behavior and feelings apart to its basic components and making sense of it. Or even your analysis of certain particulars, such as art and music as I never actively thought that my art or music preferences had anything to do with anything. I appreciate in your articles your reiteration of the need to validate the inner child, my inner child, and this has totally been an important component of my own recovery for the last two years, but it has also been the thing I slip up on the most. The nature of the abuse I suffered makes everything very covert, and insidious, and I like the approach you take with the emotional consequences of childhood traumas. I like also that we are about the same age, so I guess I feel like I can relate to you better because of that. If I weren't so broke, I'd ask to be your client! For now, your blog and other media will have to do.
Big thank you for your good work and I look forward to reading and seeing more!
On An Example of a Dysfunctional Family ("Shuffle"), SoSeN88 said:
Hello Darius. I like your work and approach. Its interesting and enjoyable to hear your emphatizing with the child. Thanks.
On Self-Esteem (Part 2). What Is Low Self-Esteem, Libertarian Prepper said:
A lot of very valuable information packed into a short video - great work again! Looking forward to more of your videos on these topics :)
On The Burden of Being Over-Controlled as a Child Cyi Taiga said:
This is one of the most direct and helpful articles I've read- THANK YOU. Our world needs more people spreading the awareness of emotional development. Keep sharing your knowledge- you are making the world a better place. ^_^
Thank you so much for writing a badly needed, thought provoking article. Thank you! There is a huge need to bring this discussion out into the open so that we can give more people the opportunity to be caring witnesses. You are right on the mark in bringing to light how most people do not want to get involved when they have opportunities to do it. There's also another reason: Stressful situations often block our ability to think clearly. High stress situations trigger all the fight-flight reactions, which often paralyze many people. Your article let's people think - ahead of time - about what they might do! And like you, I try to assess the abuse situations (to the best of my ability under stress) to determine how I can be most effective. But there is always an emotional price, which I hadn't really thought about until now - it feels so lonely, which leaves me second guessing my interventions. I appreciate that you have articulated those emotions, here. With that, I feel less lonely. Thank you so much for your leadership, Darius. You are a powerful child advocate, and I'm happy to have made your acquaintance.
After publishing my second interview with him, Daniel Mackler on Facebook said:
it's always good to talk with you, darius. you're a deep thinker, have a lot of life experience and wisdom, and you come prepared to the interview. what more to ask for?
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Damon Smith said:
Thank you so much for your continued dedication to the exploration of self and history. Your blog posts are an important asset to me in my own journey of self knowledge, de-normalization and healing. Keep it going!
Jeff Hairston via Guestbook said:
Beautiful work, young man. You inspire me. At age 57, I am just beginning to engage in similar work. I look forward to getting to know and learn from you!
Jeff
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Darlene Ouimet said:
Excellent post Darius!! I love your comparisons! Hugs, Darlene
On Child Abuse and Its Results in Today's Society Daniel Mackler said:
this is a great article, Darius. very important and valuable. thanks for writing it. daniel
Michał Mańczak on Facebook said:
Thank you for doing the work that you are doing, I think it's just wonderful.
Angie Nehls on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
I am so grateful for sites like this. Sanity and clarity... leaps and bounds.
Jodie Jackson on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
my new 'favourite' page.... just. thankyou.
Alex Smith on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
I gotta say there needs to be more pages like this. I absolutely enjoy reading every quote and picture you put up. Keep up the awesome work.
Shannon Sinclair on Self-Archeology Facebook page said:
Great page :)
On Being A Witness Of Child Abuse proudlysensitive said:
A very thoughtful article on what I agree is a difficult and complicated subject. There is so much abuse directed at children--even if just emotional abuse like threats, put-downs, disregarding behavior that I see in public, aside from actually seeing a child being hit. Sometimes I've regretted that it's just not practical to intervene--such as when I was on the other end of a crowded, moving bus, yet those memories make me sick. Nevertheless, it's very good to have a model to work through how I want to handle it in the future.
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results Anonymous said:
This is the most beautiful post I have read about denying childhood trauma. Now I feel relieved that I'm not a crazy and ungrateful person. Thank you for your post and I hope you will continue to inspire other damaged people (like me) to properly heal and become better persons and better parents in the future. =)
On Common Reactions to The Topic of Childhood Trauma scrufduf said:
This is one of the best collations of resources on this topic and the way you have so gently described this is admirable. Great work and thanks for writing this!
On Child Abuse and Its Results in Today's Society Anonymous said:
This is an excellent article Darius! I can relate to most of these outcomes.
On Empathy And Laughing At Others’ Misery Sophia said:
I am very glad to find your website, Darius. I am already familiar with the work of Alice Miller, Darlene Ouimet, Daniel Mackler, NVC, and more.
After reading this post, I thought about how I was treated in my family whenever I expressed feelings as a child. It is something I am going to write about at length in the near future. Nobody saw the abuse and lack of empathy in my family because at first glance my parents seemed like such reasonable, mature, and intelligent people. But when a child is upset and a parent responds to that upset not with empathy but with a sort of "gentle" mockery, telling a child, "Oh, don't be so dramatic," I think this just as invalidating as when they are cruelly teased or even beaten for expressing their feelings.
And then when that same parent (my father) remarries and brings in a stepmother who is not nearly so gentle, but he always makes excuses for her behavior and tells me that she does it because she "cares" about me... and it takes me decades to realize that it was HE who betrayed me....
There is something needing to be explored in the not-so-apparent cruelty of the sentimental parent. This was my experience and it has taken me decades to come out of the fog on this.
Thanks.
On When We Get Hurt for Being Hurt – How We Learn Not to Feel proudlysensitive said:
I really love the empathic insights and commentary you make here. I've been in virtually all of those situations myself as a child. I was yelled at many times and then yelled at even more if I showed my discomfort and hurt for being yelled at. This maze of emotionally abusive manipulation that countless children are put through does produce broken adults everywhere. What that woman said to her infant boy in the s is so sick and insulting. Children don't cry "for no reason," their emotions need to be taken seriously, and shaming young boys for having feelings and needs is so destructive.
On Child Abuse in a Local Supermarket – Children Are Human Beings Helen said:
Darius, Thank you for this post. I couldn't agree more with what you are saying. So often parents are witnessed harassing, abusing or neglecting their children. I am guilty of walking by and saying nothing. Although I am acutely aware of the devastating results of abuse. I just think don't have children if you are not prepared to put in the hard work and make the sacrifices that parenting entails. Having children is not a right, it's a privilege. It's an honour to raise them. I wonder why we feel we can't intervene when we observe such disgraceful and appalling parental behaviour. I think as a society we do have skewed perceptions on child vs parent rights, as though a child is a possession of the parent and so it's not our place to defend the child. Some people should never have children!!
On The Classification and Results of Child Abuse Pat Torngren said:
Glad to have round it -- have shared it on a couple of my groups like, "Were you spanked as a child" and "I was spanked as a child" which are closed groups for people in recovery (though anyone can apply to join). Thanks for this very good article.
On What Motivates People To Change? Vanda said:
What a great article. It makes me think and remember what drives me, what keeps me every day of doing or avoiding something. And I can clearly see the type of my motivation. Thank you, Darius!
After I publicly thanked him for kindly offering to proofread this website, Daniel Mackler on Facebook said:
i was happy to help!! it's a good website!! i was proud to be a part of it
On The Cycle of Child Abuse and How to End It Anonymous said:
Dear Darius, Your article reminds me of a movie called Blindness. Indeed we live in a blind society. It refuses to SEE what´s going on inside itself and therefore becomes a perpetuator of its own misery. How to bring about more awareness for larger amounts of people remains a challenge, don´t you think?
On Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results didisreal said:
this is excellent, I've heard these phrases so many times when describing abuse
On When We Get Hurt for Being Hurt – How We Learn Not to Feel Anonymous said:
Thank you for posting this. Happiness and excitement can get a similar treatment. If a parent is tired/stressed the excitement of a child's happiness can be something that they, “Just can't deal with right now” so they lash out at the child in a way similar to what you're talking about here. And then the child learns that they're not allowed to be happy or excited.
On The Difficulties of Journaling – And Some Useful Tips MS Abigail said:
Interesting article. I have perhaps a dozen journals still left over from my childhood. My mother used to read them when I was withdrawn or getting into trouble. To this day, the presence of a ghost audience, a potential critic, a judging ex or significant other, and even my mother's ghost seem to hang on the peripheries of all I would write. Short selling my thoughts on those in my life as if to see their faults too clearly on the page might cut them open without ever having seen the words themselves.
Jackie via Guestbook said:
Hi Darius!!
I found your work through a link on emergingfrombroken's Facebook, and I really, really, really appreciate your articles and videos. I just finished watching all the videos on the Youtube, and I just wanted to let you know that I like the more personal discussions the best, and it is for the same reason I like Darlene's personal discussions the best. I think I just relate to it better, you know, not necessarily trying to label something or someone, but how to instead navigate it all, how to pull the behavior and feelings apart to its basic components and making sense of it. Or even your analysis of certain particulars, such as art and music as I never actively thought that my art or music preferences had anything to do with anything. I appreciate in your articles your reiteration of the need to validate the inner child, my inner child, and this has totally been an important component of my own recovery for the last two years, but it has also been the thing I slip up on the most. The nature of the abuse I suffered makes everything very covert, and insidious, and I like the approach you take with the emotional consequences of childhood traumas. I like also that we are about the same age, so I guess I feel like I can relate to you better because of that. If I weren't so broke, I'd ask to be your client! For now, your blog and other media will have to do.
Big thank you for your good work and I look forward to reading and seeing more!
On An Example of a Dysfunctional Family ("Shuffle"), SoSeN88 said:
Hello Darius. I like your work and approach. Its interesting and enjoyable to hear your emphatizing with the child. Thanks.
On Self-Esteem (Part 2). What Is Low Self-Esteem, Libertarian Prepper said:
A lot of very valuable information packed into a short video - great work again! Looking forward to more of your videos on these topics :)
On The Burden of Being Over-Controlled as a Child Cyi Taiga said:
This is one of the most direct and helpful articles I've read- THANK YOU. Our world needs more people spreading the awareness of emotional development. Keep sharing your knowledge- you are making the world a better place. ^_^
